Really Want To Hurt Me
The Old Red Lion Theatre, 18th & 19th February 2018
It feels appropriate, with February being LGBT history month, that Ben SantaMaria’s play ‘Really Want To Hurt Me’ is playing two nights at The Old Red Lion Theatre, it being a monologue set in the mid-eighties, (as alluded to by it’s Culture Club referencing title), which follows the experiences of a teenager coming of age who not only finds himself having to negotiate his way through life, education and his own sexual awakening, but also the increasing realisation that he might be gay.
Having been left with the sense that this is more than just vaguely autobiographical, SantaMaria uses the music of the era to instantly transport the audience back to the decade of Smash Hits, Crispy Pancakes, Studio Line, Top Of The Pops, Charlie and Razzle. If these references aren’t instantly recognisable then you would definitely have been in the minority during this sold out performance, as the audience were clearly very willing passengers for the lighter side of this nostalgic trip back to the eighties. Unfortunately, intertwined with these references came the inevitable angst and uncertainty of a teenager both discovering and coming to terms with his sexuality, and as much as there was a lot of humour to be derived from the cultural touchstones SantaMaria draws upon, the more painful and equally ubiquitous memories of bullying, homophobia, identity confusion and the arrival of aids are all resurrected in equal measure.
This rollercoaster ride of teenage hormones, self-awareness and breaking away from the heteronormative influences he is surrounded by are all skilfully delivered by Ryan Price who more than impresses in the role, managing to keep the audience emotionally engaged from the very start of this 80 minute one-man show. His delivery is engaging and made all the more personable by the intimacy of the theatre itself. I am sure I was not alone in clearly recognising my own younger self in Price’s character and more than once found myself wishing I could have reassured both that it does get better.
Whilst many coming of age stories have been told before, there is a warmth, honesty and heart to this play that makes it feel fresh and original, making as it does some astute observations, particularly around the teenagers inner anguish as he negotiates his own sexuality, finding himself being bullied for something he has yet to accept himself. “It’s like they all know something I don’t” he claims in the midst of his confusion. As hinted by the plays title, music becomes the one constant that the character can loose himself in during moments of both strength and solace. The instantly recognisable hits of the afore mentioned Culture Club, along with Tears For Fears, Eurythmics, Kajagoogoo and Kate Bush punctuate the action throughout the play and are often accompanied by moments of choreographed dance that, at their best, manage to effectively reveal as much about the characters emotional state as the words he speaks. On the whole these physically expressed moments impressively enhanced rather than detracted from the narrative, however some remained stronger than the others and, having noticed from the production notes the absence of a credited choreographer, I wonder if a bit of help might have smoothed out the inconsistency across these moments, which I otherwise loved.
Really Want To Hurt Me is a keenly observed and worthy documentation of what it was like to be a gay teenager in Britain in the mid eighties and showcases a writer and an actor excelling at their craft.
★★★★
