Coming Clean: Life As A Naked House Cleaner

Bermondsey Fayre, 14th April 2018

I think I’m going to have to start a new blog…’Gay plays, and the snacks they made me crave’, as it is a constant surprise just how many times snacks of various types get mentioned in the productions I am currently seeing. I was perfectly ravenous for a bag of Pom-Bear after seeing Rob Ward’s Gypsy Queen, and I similarly left Ethan Mechare’s ‘Coming Clean: Life As A Naked House Cleaner’ tonight with a strong craving for balls… cheesy balls, although to be fair, this being an immersive performance, two bowls of this retro cheesy snack were passed around the audience to share. (This didn’t prevent me from buying a bag on the way home though!) A chocolate cake also makes several noticeable appearances during the course of the evening, and whilst not technically a snack, I would be surprised if any of the audience would be having a similar craving for a slice of that any time soon… although I could be wrong! (Yes, this is going to be another of those annoying reviews where I can only hint at certain aspects of this show without giving two much away… Believe me, you’ll thank me in the long run… for quite a few reasons!)

Coming Clean: Life As A Naked House Cleaner is an ‘almost’ one man show, in which Ethan Mechare recounts some true stories of his time spent as a naked cleaner. It soon becomes apparent, even at the time of booking tickets, that this is going to be something of a different experience given that the venues listed range from people’s actual homes in Brixton and Belfast, to a former electrical substation in Margate. The performance I attended was at the back of a shop called ‘Bermondsey Fayre’ near London Bridge, a beautiful boutique shop selling locally made products. The venue immediately becomes a talking point for the audience as we took our seats, a degree of uncertainty in the air as to how the evening would unfold.

We didn't have to wait long to find out as, having already been greeted by Ethan himself, we are immediately given a survey card and asked to write down a sexual fantasy, either one of our own that we may or may not have acted upon, or someone else’s we might have been part of. This is the point I started questioning my decision to arrive sober, despite the show’s promotional material having invited the audience to bring their own drinks to the venue, (Two audience members in front of me clearly being better prepared than I was, given that the two bottles of ‘Sol’ they immediately started drinking even had a lime in them! I was impressed!). Despite having to dig deep to reveal my own sexual fantasy on the afore mentioned anonymous survey card, the interaction required throughout the evening is fairly gentle, being more like a good gossip round a friends house during which, when requested, the audience could participate in or not. Thankfully my own particular survey card was not one of the five picked out of the hat and read at the mid point of the show and, given my state of sobriety, I am not sure if I would have owned up to it even if it had of been picked, but much to Ethan’s delight, and no doubt relief, one brave soul did claim his fantasy when it was read out, and was duly given a round of applause for his bravery, his honesty…. and no doubt the quality of his fantasy. Ethan was more than able to find the comedy in these ad-libed moments, and skilfully managed to weave them back into the narrative of the piece.

“I want to shine a light on how little we speak about our fantasies and that if we vocalised our feelings more often we’d potentially feel less uptight and ostracised” he says whilst regaling us with his own experience of being part of other peoples sexual fantasies, alongside the more mundane dusting and hoovering chores… all part of life as a naked cleaner. As you might expect, the evening is as funny as it is original with one anecdote after the other taking us behind the closed doors and drawn curtains of this whole secret suburban world, all told with a refreshingly comedic candour. The evening takes a little while to find it’s stride as the audience slowly relax into the unfamiliar location, (and the fact that they have just jotted down their darkest sexual fantasy onto a survey card within five minutes of their arrival), but our host is both an affable and enthusiastic performer who soon wins the audience over. I got the impression this may have taken a little longer than usual, this evenings audience possibly being more reserved than he was used to, but I think we all got there eventually.

Over and above his naked cleaning confessions, Ethan also showed a capacity for sharp comic delivery in his hilarious recurring obsession with Oprah Winfrey’s ‘O’ magazine that runs as a motif throughout, (and becomes an important part of his life-changing “vision-board ‘slash’ mood-board ‘slash’ dream-board”). There is also the occasional interaction with his stage manager ’slash’ sidekick Cath Royle, (well I did say it was an ‘almost one man show’), both of which provided moments of comedy gold I would have liked to have seen developed even further. One thing I also have to comment on, which I am sure has yet to find it’s way into any other review is the set, minimal as it was, but included two small beautifully designed ‘modern-retro’ side tables, the surfaces of which were adorned with cleaning products, but which had fronts that had been purposeful designed to house the few props that Ethan would introduce from time to time throughout the evening. Given the location of tonights performance these could easily have just been items for sale in the shop. If they were, my advise to Ethan would be to snap them up as they were such a great detail. (Penis shaped drawers containing penis shaped jelly sweets…. Yes, more snacks please!)

If, like me, you are used to something a bit more traditional as a theatrical experience, I can only advise you also try to shake off your English reserve and surprise yourself by going to see this unusual piece of amusing performance theatre. We think you will enjoy it, and can no better sum it up than the two audience comments we overheard when leaving the venue. The first being between two women, one of who asked the other, “How are you going to explain that at church tomorrow”, and the second comment was from a short conversation that started with the question, “I was wondering, how can you fart on demand like that?” to which the persons friend replied, “Lot’s of onions maybe”, proof if any were needed, that Ethan has succeeded in his mission to encourage open and frank conversations around sex, sexuality and fantasy. 

★★★★

photographs: Melanie Wilbur