Alright Bitches!
Alright Bitches! by Martin Blackburn is very much a ‘gay holiday comedy’ of two halves, both literally and figuratively, with the first feeling more like a ‘Carry On’ film, such are the broad strokes of the bawdy humour that sends the camp-o-meter spinning off the chart. “You’ve got more mince than a bolognese factory”, one of the cast proclaims, and in doing so pretty much sets the tone for what is to follow. If this is the sort of humour that appeals to you then you’re going to have a ball, but subtle this is not, as indicated by the title. Survive the first half of this high camp frolic however and you’ll be treated to a finale that is both engaging and surprisingly emotionally charged.
The story takes place on a patio shared by two adjoining chalets at a resort in Gran Canaria, (it’s a set design masterpiece from David Shield as, having spent a lot of time in the matt black spaces that are typical of a lot of ‘off West End’ fringe/pub theatres, it was great to be totally transported by this bright and colourful set, complete with videowall that opened up the stage behind the physical patio balcony, showing the palm trees, pool, apartments and the beach beyond. A great job from Video Designer George Reeve also, as we witness morning turn to afternoon, and afternoon turn to night. Be warned though, if you haven’t had a holiday for a while, the set alone is going to make you crave the warmth of the sun and the sound of the sea. Whether these slightly down at heel chalets of the somewhat tired ’Los Hombres’ resort would be your holiday destination of choice is another thing, suffice to say Garth (Daniel Breakwell) and Max (Josiah Eloi), are hoping to hook up with plenty of ’hombres’ during their stay, whilst their tag-along straight female companion Pam (Jackie Pulford) is also not discounting, albeit a little naively, the possibility of getting her own slice of the action, despite the odds being stacked against her.
Their arrival at the resort is shortly followed by a second couple, Jason (Wilson Armour) and his significantly younger partner Ollie, (Marcus J Foreman) who, in contrast to Garth and Max are here to celebrate the first anniversary of their committed relationship. It remains a mystery why Armour is clean shaven for the role, given his bearded publicity shot in the programme is much more in keeping with his character’s age difference and, had he been encouraged to keep it, would have added an immeasurable amount of believability to the age dynamic of this relationship. Instead he’s been made to look just about as young as possible, leaving only his moderately more sober attire to differentiate him from the rest of the cast as the older banker (not sure how the writer missed that opportunity for a bit of innuendo).
With Jason bemoaning the fact he would rather be drinking in the culture of Venice than knocking back the ‘mock-tails’ in the heat of Maspalomas, this was just one moment that hinted at there being plenty more going on beneath this hedonistic holidays surface, but like several similar moments it was unfortunately left unexplored, glossed over in preference of some freshly ‘dusted-off’ jokes. “I’m like a toilet seat… I attract a lot of arseholes”, says Pam by way of explanation as to why she is still single. Unfortunately many similar punchlines could either be seen coming a mile off, or were so predictable that on a couple of occasions the audience member sitting behind me took great delight in declaring the punchlines before the actors even had the chance to complete them, an irony not lost when one of the characters declares that he knows the local drag queens lines “better than she does”. With nothing in the script for the actors to really get their teeth into, the portrayals feel disappointingly one-dimensional, that dimension often being short-hand for a stereotype harking back to an era when a limp-wristed John Inman declared “I’m free!” in 1970’s sit-com Are You Being Served. It’s a stereotype many gay men found offensive even at that time, and would proactively try and change this perception for decades after. It’s not that camp characters don’t have a place in modern theatre but, without a sharper script behind them, the actors clearly had a hard time fleshing out their roles beyond this somewhat dated representation, all of which left me with the sense that this was probably a much better holiday to have been on than to sit through.
However, all that was about to change with the palpable gear shift that was waiting for us as we took our seats for the second half, where we found all five characters coming to terms with the realisation that this probably wasn’t going to be the fun-filled, care free holiday any of them had either imagined or hoped for. Yes, I accept some of the exposition in the first half was no doubt required to contextualise what happens in the second, but a little more meat on those high-camp bones from the beginning would probably have helped smooth this abrupt change of pace, as well as getting the audience more engaged with proceedings from the outset. With this shift giving the actors a whole lot more to work with in the script, their was suddenly a new level of believability in their characters, and with jeopardy immediately hanging in the air after the intermission when it is discovered that Max has gone missing, the play suddenly takes on a new energy. (Josiah Eloi going on to produce the most engaging performance of the show). It’s a shame Alright Bitches took quite so long to discover that it actually had something to say, but it was certainly a relief when it got there, and the evening was all the better for it.
★★★
review: Simon J. Webb
photographs: PBGstudios